Wow 3 years

On April 10th my mother will be gone 3 years. My father announced the other day that we are done mourning. You see my mother left all of us a letter that said Mourn for a while, but get on with your lives. Well something like that, but I will say it has gotten easier. We are busy living and while I miss her its not as heart renching as it used to be. But just as we are getting it back together, my father decides he is moving in with my sister, so.........we get to inherit "STUFF" again. I choose wisely because I have limited space and hopefully everything will fit. Mostly a painting, some tupperware, old movies and some photographs.

This is also why I know I am not mourning so much anymore. As I sit on the sofa looking around I yell "Mom, you have too much crap". She is not even here and we are still going through her stuff.

oh yeah and some bookcases........little ones.

Life is Strange

Did you ever walk through mud or trudge through snow and you have to push to get through? You know like leaning forward against the wind and push to keep going? Thats how I feel. With everything I do, I feel like its uphill and I have to push through it. Was is that? Do I feel that life is a struggle? I have really good moments and then I'm climbing uphill again. Its like an emotional roller coaster of sorts. I know its not realistic to expect to be on the high end all the time (unless you are doing some really good drugs), but I have been observing other people lately and wondering what their lives are like. What they are really like and do they ever feel what I am feeling. Lets take a look at my life, shall we?

Work - work is good. My supervisor likes me (alot) and I like her too, I like her work ethic and they way she puts the patients first above all things, I like her values. I made a friend at work, and since I am BLUE we all know how important that is. She lived in West Virginia unitl she was about 8 or 9 but still has her accent, not real strong but its there and I love it. I was off sick and she came up to the desk and said "wheres my girl". She is alot of fun, and helps me keep things in perspective. I am starting to car pool on Monday with my sister to save on gas, it should work out fine. I leave the house at about 6:30 and get home about 6:30. Sometimes a little earlier, depends on traffic. Its a long day, go to bed by 9 or I'm dead the next day.
Oh, the sweet girl I work with is relaxing a little and not being quite as sweet. I expected that and its nothing I can't handle.

Daughter - just left to go back to school. I drove through a snow storm to bring her home to see a friends play that ended up being cancelled, but thats ok because she had a sinus infection and double ear infections and her daddy took her to the doctor. We patched her up and sent her back. She will be home in two weeks for spring break. Surprisingly enough she wanted to stay with us longer, she misses us "just a little". Ha, the truth finally comes out.

Son - I don't have the energy to even begin. Well he'll be at church Wed, Fri, Sat and Sun for the next 6 weeks, at least we will know where to find him.

Husband - we're good. on the same page most of the time. Trying to have a social life, but I cracking down on spending so thats a little tough. We need something to do besides clean, do laundry, grocery shop....oh those are things I do hmmm. (in all fairness he washes his own work clothes) He did snow blow the drive twice yesterday. We are making a to do list so we can finish some of the things in the house that didn't get completed during the remodeling adventure.

So thats my life. I cleaned around my desk and threw out a whole garbage bag full of junk and I still can't see the top of my desk. Its crap piling up everyday, I must not be pruging fast enough. my house is dirty, I can't keep up and some days just don't care cause I'm too tired. Ok, so I am going to make a list of things to do and check them off, and maybe that will help.

1.) find all new doctors and make appts because I now work for the World Renowned Cleveland Clinic where everyone deserves world class care.

2) Taxes, oh yeah I need to remind the hubby, that is his job, oh and Fafsa. I've only mentioned this several times.

3.) Clean, I will run the vacuum today, maybe that will help. oh and do laundry. I cleaned the bathroom yesterday and grocery shopped in a blizzard. stores were empty it was great. oh and meal planned because lent is here and all I will hear is whats to eat.

4) organize my desk so I can function in an orderly manner and go through junk mail daily. somewhere between 6:30 and 9 inbetween making dinner and telling son he cannot drive to Olmsted Falls on a school night.

5) shop for a baby gift for some very special people who are having a baby!

6) Find my tom tom, yes its still missing.

7) Get Justines car in for an oil change and saftey inspection so she can take it back to school for spring quarter. She needs to be able to get home for Pascha.

I am sure there is more, but thats enough for now. Well I better start trudging so I can get done by dinner and forgiveness vespers. Oh and please forgive me if I have offended you, or whined too much, or ignored you when you needed me, or........

I can't believe they pay me for this.

I just can't believe they pay me to do this job. Yeah you do have to know stuff, but still.... ok there are 2 seats, seat one checks in the patients and answeres the phone but seat two does most of the phone. Seat two does the daily sheets which have the patients name and test etc on it, anyway you get them ready for the next day and you also print out a list of echos to be done the next day and fit inpatients in around them. But the problems is that when seat 2 is done with the day sheets thats it. You just answere the phone when it rings. Well today I was in seat two, so when your co workers disappears for 1/2 hour at a time you can check people in and answer the phone all at once. That can get a little crazy but its worth it because in a little while you might not have anything to do.

I jokingly said to the coworker today, so this is like the "day off" seat, the do nothing seat and she laughed and said "yes it is" in her cute southern way. I crack her up!

Well all the technicians seem to like me, they keep asking me if I'm staying. I'm thinkin its a little early to be askin that don't you? They are fun though and I enjoy when they come up to visit me.

Oh yeah, the coworker runs a heater all day. Yes I said a HEATER. Aparently this chick has never had a hot flash. So I said to her "Coworker", lol no I didn't say that, but thats pretty funny. I think I might start calling her that lol. I said coworker you are killin me with that heater. And do you know what she said? lol, "you are going to have to wear thinner clothes because I am not turning it off. I am cold". So I'm buying a fan, a little one so at least while she has heat I can catch a breeze. I do turn it off when she has her disappearing times.
Well I finish training on Monday and Tuesday, then I will be there permanently. We'll see who wins the heat battle, I have a feeling it isn't going to be me. LOL

Oh, the Roller Coaster of Life

Well, my son and his girlfriend broke up, apparently. I did ask him about this on Sunday because I had a "feeling" and he yelled something at me, so I kept my mouth shut and figured I'd find out more when he was ready to tell me. Well I found out, but it was on a family website. I am very fortunate to have wonderful relatives who handled his situation beautifully. They all gave wonderful advice without talking down to him. I am glad he feels he can talk to them, and actually say what he feels. I could not have given him any of those perspectives as his mother and I hope they keep in touch with him and see how he is doing. Sometimes I can tell he's here because I see a trail of dirty dishes, sometimes I can smell his dirty socks, (lol yuk), Sometimes I hear his voice when he is asking for money. I hope he takes the advice about getting a job.

The Little People

I swear there are little people that come into my house when I am not home and either take my stuff or move it. I am missing a few things, but the latest is my tom-tom. Yes I can't find my GPS so I can find my way. Now what. I know I usually misplace my phone and I have to call it to see where it is, but I don't have a way to find this item. I could have used the other day when I went to beachwood, and I will be going to beachwood all this week. Ok I know how to get there but what if I want to go somewhere else. I could call Greg, he has a GPS in his head. He's a guy, he came fully equipped, map central located in the back lower lobe I think, every guy is born with one. If he doesn't have one its just one of those defects.
and yes I searched my car.

IT TAKES ALL KINDS

I have been sheltered, I admit it. I have never worked downtown, I worked almost downtown, but that was a long time ago. There are so many different "cultures". Some move fast and some move slow. I am working with a slow moving culture. They are very layed back. No matter what the urgency the speed remains the same. I think I could like this culture, they tell me "don't worry it will get done, don't stress yourself out". I think I needed to be here. My last job was very hectic high stress, there was never a time where you were caught up. Here we have lulls in the schedule where the techs come up and hang out with us for a few minutes and chit chat. Oh some days they are so busy we don't see them, but there are plenty of other days where things move along comfortabley. Yesterday I actually got bored, which is one of the dangers, but after my last job I'll take a couple of boreds. Oh don't get me wrong, there are times when its very busy checking people in and we get our share of angry people, but the pace remains the same.....slow southern way of doing things. I've learned we don't care what the other persons job entails, we don't really want to know or get involved, we just do our job. "oh I don't know what they do up there" is a common response. When I'm bored I check my email, of which I have a total of 4 so far, but afterall it is only my first week. I made a lunch date, well its not finalized, we have to pick a day. Probably Tuesday if you're reading this. 12:30 1:00 ish. I will email you on Monday.

They have a weight watchers group I can join, I am still trying to figure out how to go at 1:30-2:30. I could take my lunch then, can you eat in a weight watchers meeting? I could do that, every Thursday. I'm practicing being layed back about it all and not getting excited. Some of my co workers are slow talkers, I think it helps keep the slow relaxed pace.....when I close my eyes I can feel the rhythm of the day. Its like being on a boat thats adrift and your just floating along, knowing that eventually you will arrive at your destination.

I wanted to slow down my life and get out of the high speed lane. I think I just may have found out how to do that. Rush hour doesn't even bother me. I will write more later, or not. I'm not going to stress about it.

Truly!!! A Transportation Experience

Today, I ventured out in my vehicle to the Municipal Parking lot that they so graciously assigned me. I proceeded to the shuttle which drove me........where? to another stop so that I could catch another shuttle to take me to the hospital THEY CLOSED EUCLID BLVD. ok, that wasn't so bad really because it was the first day and nobody knew where they were going really. There was a man that would give you options when you got off the first shuttle. But now............its time to go home. LOL thank God I am new because I don't really know any different, I really feel for these people that have been there awhile. I get on the shuttle which happens to be right at the door when I get there (good timing I think to myself) I tell the man, this is my first day is this the shuttle that takes me to the stop where I can get the shuttle to the muni lot. He says yes, but he is a very nice black man that I could barely understand. So I ride this shuttle, all over the place, about 20 minutes. I finally get to the health stop or health something, the whole time I thought he was saying HELL stop, which everyone got a big laugh out of. We didn't wait long and the muni shuttle came, and then the fun began. 40 minutes, I'm not kidding, 40 minutes to take a 20 minute ride. The traffic was incredible. I'm laughing now because I'm so sleepy, my eyes are burning, my nose is running and we finally get there and I have to clean off my car. LOL. my gas tank is on EEEEE, I know this because the light came on, because when my husband fixed my alternator something happened and the pointer for the gas tank is on the wrong side of the button thing. Anyway, Its now 6:00 and I thought I would have to drive in rush hour but thank goodness I cruised right home.
then bought gas at Giant Eagle with my discount. Its 7:30 and I'm going to eat and go to bed so I can do it all over again tomorrow. LOL
Oh, so far the job seems pretty easy. Everyone seems really nice. I'll keep you posted.

note to self: do not drink that much coffee in the morning if its going to tak an hour and 1/2 to get to a bathroom.

I STAYED AWAKE

oh my gosh, whos idea was it to make people sit and listen to boring things for a whole day and expect them to stay awake. Actually not all of the orientation was boring. The history of the Cleveland Clinic is fascinating. The doc that came up with the bypass and how he did it and how many lives have been saved by it, its mind boggling. I'm really into that in case you couldn't tell. I love cardiology, its cool.
The team work crap I already know. What I didn't know was that the CCF (Cleveland Clinic Foundation) benefits are the best in the country (for hospitals) I haven't had this good of coverage since the 80's. I do have to change all my doctors, Yikes I hate that. But with my new years resolution of paying off bills I have to.

Well all I want to do is eat and go to sleep, its a good thing I called my supervisor to verify where she wanted me to go tomorrow, because I have a computer class at 8 am. wish me luck on the drive. I can hardly wait to ride the shuttle. Its an adventure.

oh oh oh the new year resolution

I am finding that putting one resolution up at a time is working for me. I need a job and now I have one. I am finding there are two pressing resolutions I need to make, so this time I will try to post two and see if I can handle it. I think I can do them at the same time if I concentrate reaaaaalllly hard.

New Years Resolution Number Two:

Lose Weight.

New Years Resolution Number Three:

Pay off Bills

hi ho hi ho its off to work I go!!!!!

ok, I got a job. I'm really happy about it, but I have been home for so long that I am nervous about having to get up and go somewhere all day. Anyone that knows me, knows I like to stay home and sleep and be leisurley about things. On the other hand, I need a routine again. I'm not getting much done anymore, and its not like I have a friend at home to go to lunch with. Anyway, I really need to get to work to pay off these bills, we just put 1700 into 3 cars and its killing me. For 2 of them it was just normal wear and tear.

Well Justine is back to school. Her roommate didn't come back, she didn't have her share of the tuition and made no effort to find loans or scholarships so it will be Tri High for her. So her friend Zane is sorta staying with her, his roomates are druggies and very dirty and he can't stand it anymore, so he only showers there. In the meantime Justine auditioned for the "Vagina Monologues" which sent her brother into a laughing hysteria picturing these vaginas on stage giving speeches. I have to look this up, I remember it being a big deal when it first came out, but I don't know any details.

My house just needs tweeked, Construction is done for now. Lots of little jobs to keep us busy through the winter. My driveway is a mudhole, but since I fixed the cars I don't have any money to dump more stone on to full the holes. So if you come over, just jump over them.

New Year ISSSS Approaching

I haven't written anything in a while and I looked at my New Years resolution from last year. I accomplished 4. Not too good, so I am going to try again.

1. GET A JOB

Still No Job

Well its December and still no job. I am very good at job interviews though. Today my sister drove downtown with me because I had to take a test before one of the interviews, then we went to lunch and I noticed I had a message and it was to set up the interview, so we drove over and got that out of the way.

I hope I get the job in Cardiology, I like the people better, but I will take what is offered I guess. The benefits are so good I can't wait to work there. I want money again.

I got no job

Ha, I got layed off my job that was giving me ulcers and making me stress eat. I am so excited. They made it easy for me. I have been home all this week. Lets see, so far I drove to Ohio University to take my daughter clothes and a vcr and I spent a ton of money on her. Tuesday I layed on the couch all day and watch that show about who will be the next designer. I had to tape the rest of it because I had to go help my sister pack the truck. I wasn't much help. Wednesday I cleaned like a mad woman and today, Thursday, I had a mammogram and my decorator is coming over to discuss a few things, then we are going to Home Depot and Lowe's to pick out counter tops for the kitchen. I am so excited, my kitchen floor is just waiting to be put in. And I think this weekend I will start sanding the kitchen cupboards to be painted. Maybe next week we will gut the bathroom. Greg will be on vaca with me, how fun. Anyone that wants to join in the painting fun just let me know.

I'm addicted to M & M's

I'm really adddicted to M&M's. I fill little cups and take them to my desk and try to eat one at a time so that by the end of the day they equal a little cup instead of a whole bag. I like the blue ones. Sometimes I'll pick two and I make them match. I really like the orange and the blue. The green ones are nice too. There is a girl in the back of the office in billing and she keeps the M&M jar. She and I take turns filling it. I am secretly hoping she would get me my own M&M jar when I leave. Well I guess its not a secret anymore. (oh yeah I got layed off) different blog, maybe tomorrow. I was at home wishing I wouldn't have taken all of the M&M's to work, I would like to have a couple now. I hope I will one day be able to break the habit, I am hoping to lose weight on my next job. thats another blog.

I'm getting smaller

Ok its slow, but so far I've lost 13.4 lbs. I only have 89.8 lbs to go. I know thats seems large, but think of how much I had to lose when I started. I hope some thin person picks it up along they way. I am a little concerned about lent, but I can't quit now, so it will be alot of stir fried vegetables and fish since I am not a big tuna fan. (I have a great stir fry recipe) What amazes me the most is that I am not craving anything I used to eat. If someone said you can have anything you want, I don't even know what I would pick. I guess they are right about taking the cravings away......Go South Beach!

MY HUSBAND HAS AWAKEN FROM HIS COMA

OMG! for 20 years now Valentines day comes and goes without any acknowledgement from my loving spouse. I have always gotten the kids stuff, a little animal with candy or whatever, and for years I included him until one day I said no more, he doesn't get me anything, I'm not getting him anything. So after some conversation that I can't remember correctly, he is amazed and says I must be mistaken, that he must have gotten me something for Valentines day. I asked my daughter, she said I think he brought you flowers once, but I don't know if it was for valentines day, I ask my son, he doesn't remember, he vaguely remembers him bringing flowers home for something. and my loving husband says "I can't believe I could be that insensitive for all these years" I can't stop laughing, although I am speechless.

ITS A NEW YEAR...YIPEE

Its a new year, which means you get another chance at life. A new start. Your slate has been made clean. Its kinda like confession. You can make a break, or whatever it is you need to do. So here is a list in writing of things I want to do.

1) lose weight
2) take time to practice my instrument routinely.
3) visit my dad regularly.
4) get my daughter into college
5) get my son his drivers license
6) paint my kitchen cubboards
7) remodel my bathroom
8) get healthy
9) pray regularly
10) Get a passion for life

Ok, lets talk about number 10, shall we? My sister walked in my house and said, you know what are problems is? (which one I thought) we don't have a passion. I thought for a second and said "you are right". That was easy. Now that we have identified the problem, we can make a plan to solve it. You see, my mother had a passion for life, when she wanted to do something or learn something she was driven until she did it. This includes painting a picture, playing an instrument, losing weight or whatever. She loved life and learning and here we are like lumps, fat and depressed and trying to figure out what the heck the problem is. So you see number 9 and 10 are closely related. We have started praying that the Lord will give us that passion that we are lacking. So please if you begin to notice a change, let me know.

I don't know what to do

I have a job. On my job I am very busy. In order to get all of my work done before I leave I can't do office talk. I have to keep my nose to the grindstone. I have to concentrate because of the multi tasking that I do. The problem that I am having is that it is exhausting. I have to cut people off (nicely) which I am trying to do whether its on the phone or at my window. There is no break until lunch. Then it is a race in the afternoon to get everthing wrapped up so that I leave ontime. The most frustrating part is that everyone is chatting behind me. Sometimes they look stuff up online. Sometimes they have small talk, I know I can't join in because I will pay for it later in the day. Now I have to listen enough so that I don't miss something I need to know, but I really don't want to listen to all their BS when my nose is to the grindstone, frankly it pisses me off. I find myself singing " should I stay or should I go now" remember that song? I am going to give it some time before I decide. I am actually hoping something else opens up at a different office, so I might be willing to stick it out. Or I might need to look for another job (yuck) I am a social person, so I do have to work at not joining in on conversations. I sometimes throw in a one liner, but I really don't think they care anyway. One good thing, I don't have to buy Christmas presents for people I hardly talk to.

LET THE SHOPPING BEGIN

Ok, call me crazy, but I love to shop the day after Thanksgiving. I love the madness, the pushing and shoving and running toward the one deal you've gotta have. It makes me laugh. This year I am going with my daughter and my sister is going to meet up with us. The store opens at 6. I am not shopping for anything particular, well lets say it won't kill me if I don't get it. Then we will make our way over to Joanne fabrics because we have coupons that need to be used by 9am. I know this seems absolutely nuts, but I can do one better.

I have a husband who hates to shop, who is right now at this moment at 3:31 AM, yes folks thats AM (and what I am doin up at this point, was to call them to make sure they didn't fall asleep in the car) anyway he is with my son outside a circuit city numbers 3 and 4 with a voucher for a computer for 300.00. Now, the original plan was best buy for 200, but when they got there, now pay attention, when they got there at like 1 in the morning there were 100 people in line. 2 college girls are the first in line and they have been there for 2 days. Ok I like the adventure, but I'll pay the extra hundred, and all the upfront stuff because you have to do rebates, just so I don't have to camp out for days. So anyway the point is my husband and son are out there bonding and doing what men do I guess, because the kid decided to sell his laptop and now wants a computer for Christmas (laptop not sold yet). They sounded like they were having fun.....and making a memory.
Well I better sleep because my daughter and I have some memories to make in about one hour.

Let the madness begin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't believe it

I blogged a huge one, and I lost it, so I did it again. I came in to see it today and its not there. I can't believe it. I have to go to bed now, but I will have to re-write it when I get a chance. I can't believe it.