I'm better now

Ok, I'm better now. I hope I didn't scare anyone. Although I'm still breaking out in hives and itching, I don't know what thats all about. I way too tired to say anymore, I had family band practice and my eyes are closing and I have to get up at 5 and after work I have church. I'm sleeping in on Thursday. I can't form anymore thoughts, none that make any sense anyway.

I'm numb

I am totally baffled by my life. I just talked to the guy who does my taxes and joyfully said "how much am I getting", and he said "you're on the other side of the street". I will owe somewhere around $1000.00. Honestly if I didn't have kids, I'd jump. and here's the thing. Its so easy for people to say, be greatful for what you have. I have always been greatful for what I have. I have good kids, besides the everyday crap we all put up with, they are really good kids and i like them. I like my husband (most days). I own a home, its not great but like everyone said Its mine....can't argue that. Am I ungrateful because I am sliding into a financial grave? All I want to do is pay my bills and maybe, maybe take a vacation every couple years. (ok, I would like a little more than that) I can pretend to be happy in spite of everything, which basically is what I have been doing for the last couple years. Well I 'm sick of it. Do I have bad Karma? Well maybe I'll get this job so I can be greatful that I'm just making it.

Whatever

The interview went well, as far as interviews go. It was held at one of the sleep centers, now I have to make an appointment at the office now to take a tour and see how things function, but I can't get through on their phones. That is not a good sign. I think the tour is as much for them to check me out as me them. I'm so sleepy all the time, I just don't have any feeling about anything.

I didn't get home until 6:30, I was suppose to help someone at 6:30, so I thought I will make dinner then go. Well my son blasted me with we don't have anything to eat. He ate all the bread (we helped) and he is sick of bean soup. I said make spaghetti, he yelled at me that he hates spaghetti. i suppose if I had remembered there was fish in the freezer he would have hated that too. So I asked him what he wanted me to buy at the store and he said.......food! So I made Macaroni and breadcrumbs (because Greg is the only one that really likes spaghetti), spanish rice and rice and chili beans. Is that enough starch for ya? I'm out of lettuce, and vegetables, and basically every other food group and payday is today, but I have church tonight, so I can't shop until tomorrow. I can hardly wait to shop on a Saturday, you have to go really early to avoid the crowds and then I can't sleep in. Well we didn't eat until 7:45. So much for helping anyone at that time, I went to bed at 8:30.

I slept 10 hours last night and its 11:00 and I can hardly keep my eyes open. I think I'm depressed.

I have a job interview

I have a job interview today. I hate job interviews. Especially when I really don't want to work full time. I don't know how you do everything when you work full time and not have any days off during the week. Especially when I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I took one of those tests that tells you where you would excel, mine said I should be a music video producer. Just where does one get that kind of work? I bet the pay is good! So off I go to work and then to an interview none of which I am overly excited about. So I will think about the paycheck, because after all that is why I work anyway. If I get this job, I am going to need a wife who can cook, do laundry and pay the bills. I'll still raise the kids, after all that is the best job I've ever had.

Things that bother me...ok I'm whining, you've been warned

* I can never keep my house clutter free for more than one day.

* I dragged the garbage cans to the end of the street and my husband didn't offer to help.

* My kids are so busy they are not home long enough to do anything.

* My job is just that a J O B

* I can't lose weight fast enough and everyone thinks their way is the best way.

* God doesn't like me. Really, I'm over here begging and......nothin. I've been praying for more work. I pick up one day a week and my car needs fixed to the tune of $371.47. He gaveth and then took more than he gave.

* COULD SOMEBODY P L E A S E SCOOP THE KITTY LITTER.

* I miss my mom.

OMG your not going to believe this

I was on the computer and decided I really should start posting something, so I went to type in my blog stuff and could not remember the name of it. I didn't know how to get in. So I typed in menopausal because I remembered that it had something to do with menopause and there were 26,487 choices. I have to work in the morning and didn't have the time to go through 26,000 blogs, let alone read about that many menopausal women! Yikes. So then I thought well I'll put my name in and see if I can find me that way, and that produced some 580 Michelle's. Ok so now I'm feeling stupid and I'm tired and I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. Who starts a blog and then can't find it? Ok so now I'm so desperate that I wake my 17 year old daughter who has a 100 degree fever and ask her if she can remember what my blog name is. She says its a menopausal view, I said no no no, thats Nikol, she has a view. So I finally narrowed my search and found me! But now I can't get in, because I didn't go to the right place. I was on the outside looking in like the rest of you. So now I can read my lame blog, but I can't add anything because I can't remember how to get there. I finally figured it out and now I'm here, telling all of you what an adventure I had. whew! I'm tired I think I'll go to bed now.

I'm still me!

When I was little I would go to sleep at night and wish that I would wake up and be someone else, and every morning I would wake up and still be me. And I thought, how am I going to be me all these years. What will I be like when I'm 30, how could I possibly still be me at 40? When you are 8 or 9 this is huge. I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up, I just was! So here I am 49, and I am still me, and ya know what? I'm not so bad!