She Was Right

At my mothers wake, my aunt came up to me and said " you will miss her everyday for the rest of your life". She was right. Its only been a year and 1/2, but she is right. She must know this because she lost her mother. I remember looking at her and trying to imagine that, because I have trouble imagining the rest of my life to begin with. There are people that I miss like my grandfather (surprisingly, because I was only five), but there are times that I have cried because I wish he was here with us seeing what we are all like all grown up. I miss my baba, (my fathers mother) and I wish I would have been older when died, I would have liked to sit and talk with her, I have so many questions. My heart still hurts when I think of George, a friend of the family that killed himself. I feel so bad that nobody could reach him to help him, and he must have been in so much emotional turmoil. I miss Patrick and his goofy jokes, and I always notice his absence. These are are fleeting feelings that wash over me, but the hole that this left, that I feel, because my mother is not here to see things seems to stay with me all the time. With every note Justine sings, with every instrument Michael plays I feel the pain of her not being here. Somehow its not comforting knowing that she can see all this and is very proud. I know she would be proud, they didn't even have to be good at something and she cheered them on. I have great memories and so do my kids. I hope the pain lessens as the years go by, my mother always told me I was too emotional and that as I got older I would not be so emotional, but this was the same mother who told me that it was baby fat and I would lose that too. She meant well.